Differentiating Between Noticing and Objectifying in the Context of Sex Addiction

In today’s society, the nuances of human interactions, particularly concerning attraction and sexuality, can often become muddled. The distinctions between simply noticing another person and objectifying them are especially relevant in discussions around sex addiction that I commonly see in my practice. Understanding these differences not only aids in personal growth but also facilitates healthier relationships and a stronger recovery. This article aims to explore these concepts, highlighting their implications and providing clarity on how they relate to sex addiction.

Sex addiction is a complex issue that affects individuals differently. When examining this topic, it is important to understand the differences between two key concepts: noticing and objectifying. While they might appear similar on the surface, they have distinct characteristics and implications in the context of sex addiction.

Lets start with the basic definitions of each term:

Noticing: to become aware of (in this case someone)

Noticing refers to the act of observing or becoming aware of someone’s physical appearance, characteristics, or attributes. It is a natural human tendency to notice others and be aware of their presence. In the context of sex addiction, noticing can be seen as a neutral behavior, as it does not necessarily involve harmful intentions or objectification.

Objectifying: to treat (someone) as an object or cause to have objective reality

Objectifying, involves dehumanizing and reducing someone to mere sexual objects or fantasies. It occurs when an individual disregards a person’s humanity, personality, or consent and focuses solely on their sexual value. This behavior objectifies the individual, seeing them solely as a means to fulfill one’s own sexual desires or needs.

In the context of sex addiction, objectification is considered harmful and a destructive aspect of the addiction. It perpetuates a cycle of unhealthy and disrespectful relationships with others, affecting both the individual with the addiction and those they interact with. Objectification can lead to numerous negative consequences, such as manipulation, emotional harm, and the promotion of unhealthy power dynamics.

Recognizing and understanding the differences between noticing and objectifying is essential in addressing and treating sex addiction. Noticing can be part of healthy human interaction, as long as it is done with respect, consent, and an understanding of boundaries. It becomes problematic when it leads to objectifying behavior, where the focus shifts from acknowledging someone’s presence to reducing them to sexual objects. This process may also lead to engaging into the realm of fantasy sex as another type of sex addiction written in this article.

In the journey towards recovery from sex addiction, individuals must learn to differentiate between noticing and objectifying. Therapeutic techniques and interventions often aim to help individuals reestablish healthy and respectful relationships by emphasizing mindfulness, empathy, and respectful engagement with others. Building self-awareness, challenging objectifying thoughts, and developing healthy coping mechanisms are crucial steps in addressing sex addiction and promoting healthier interpersonal connections.

Let’s take a closer look at the nuances of what it means to “cross the line” into unhealthy behaviour of moving beyond noticing and into objectification:

• Canvassing the area and actively scanning the surroundings for attractive individuals indicates a pursuit for visual stimulation. Here the motive is to seek out sexual objects as the mission. Instead, they must stay focused on the mission or task and redirect the attention when encountering someone attractive. The focus should turn back to the mission.
• Checking out body parts. While it is inevitable to notice physical attributes, fixating on a person with attractive or revealing clothing is crossing the line. That is why it is critical to shift your attention and focus elsewhere. Some individuals are convinced that if they noticed part of a persons body, they were “lusting”. This is not always true. If an individual sees a person whose clothing reveals parts of their body and they calmly turn away and re-shift the attention, that can be determined as healthy. It does not become objectification until the individual starts to objectify and fantasize.
• Turning back for a second or third look, also known as “rubber necking”. When an individual succumbs to the awareness of an attractive person, dopamine is solicited, and they have crossed over into the world of objectification. Again, they have lost focus of the mission and allowed themselves to be distracted. This action disrespects the individual they are objectifying and their partner.
• You later use the image of the person to fantasize and perhaps engage in unhealthy sex with self ie. masterbation. Utilizing mental images of individuals you had earlier noticed solidifies the objectification process. If you refrain from indulging in fantasy, you respect others and build your integrity.

In conclusion, noticing and objectifying are two distinct behaviors within the context of sex addiction. While noticing can be seen as a natural and neutral human behavior, objectifying involves reducing individuals to mere sexual objects and disregarding their humanity. Individuals must engage in mindfulness and commit to respectfully acknowledge those around them. This commitment must identify the inherent worth of every individual they see during their mission. Forget about bouncing your eyes or turning your neck and instead focus on seeing people as people and not objects. Recognizing the differences and working towards a healthier perception of others is integral to addressing and recovering from sex addiction.

Mike Quarress CSAT-S