Exploring the facets of the Arousal Template

As we mature from childhood into adults, our arousal template is formed by experiences involving family messaging, early sexual experiences that solicited arousal, religous influences, forms of abuse, magazines, televesion, movies and other forms of analog or digital media that all form together to formulate an internal process referenced as sexual arousal.  Simply put, our brain becomes wired to this template which constantly searches for patterns that are familiar in order to make sense of them, thus a sexual scan occurs to see if a pattern fits to ones external stimuli once experienced.  That being said, one’s arousal template can be unique and quite specific to the person’s life experiences and external messaging.  What ends up happening as this template formulates is unconsiously we follow sexual patterns that had started early on in our lives often with no recollection of where this pattern arises from as the memory has been stored away out of conscious awareness or if the memory is traumatic in nature it can be repressed through forms of compartmentlization.  It is important to note that the arousal template can already be discerned between the ages of five and eight which acknowledges that early events in our lives that have been experienced, especially sexual events can leave a significant impact on the emerging sexual self.  Note that in our early lives our neural pathways have a greater form of neuroplasticity which allows for the formulation of deep rooted sexual neural pathways that can progress into unhealthy sexual behaviors over time becoming the wiring of ones sexual arousal template.  As we grow up and move through this process, we incorporate the many life experiences, more specifically our sexual experiences and what we are told within our family system or our environment about sex into our developing sexual belief system, or template.  What has been role modeled to us by our family about relationships all becomes a part of this template.  This template builds on experiences and preferences that are already determined by our genetic coding.  The detriment to these experiences is that as we move through our adolescence and into early adulthood, this template becomes our road map to what stimulates our erotic and sexualized feelings.  It is important to note that this template remains beneath the level of conscious awareness and only surfaces through addictive thought patterns and behaviors that can become compulsive in nature and very shameful.  As objects and feelings become eroticized, so do the feelings that accompany those experiences.  With this being said, anger can then become eroticized and over time anger becomes the sexual stimuli for many people who act out sexually based on historical and current sources of anger in a eroticized rage model.  This is where our unresolved historical sources of anger and rage couples with current sources that appear to be displaced sexually, this model can leave individuals at risk to engage in sexual behaviors that do not align with their ethical and moral beliefs or even worse, are illegal.

To simplify:

• Our arousal template is a mix of physiology and learning, based on relational or sexual experiences

• It is a primarily unconscious decision tree or map of how we have become ‘wired’ sexually, built on preferences already somewhat determined by our survival instincts and genetic code

• It is a guide we use to determine (subconsciously) what is erotic or arousing

• It determines decisions in it’s own right and becomes a template for action

• It organizes what we have learned about: consent, equality, respect, trust, safety, dishonesty, domination, objectification, power, control, etc.

• What is valuable, worthwhile, exciting, desired, helpful and also what is to be avoided

• Thoughts, ideas, behaviors and responses become associated with the triggering stimuli (cues for arousal)

Eroticized Feelings:

• Just as objects, situations or scenarios become eroticized so do feelings. Almost any feeling can become an arousing trigger when it is associated with behaviors, cues etc.

• EXAMPLE: Pain, fear and risk – Fear is a well-documented neuro-chemical escalator of the sexual experience. Many trauma victims of violent sexual abuse as children report inability to be orgasmic without some form of pain.  In this model sex and pain then become fused and now part of ones arousal. This individual then becomes vulnerable to Exploitive Sex or Pain Exchange Sex.

• Risk, like in being discovered, breaking taboos, risking injury, risking rejection etc, can be eroticized and all part of ones compulsive sexual behaviors.

This may all be very alarming information to some as the common question I am asked in session is: “Will I always be like this” and my answer to that is “No”, it is possible to “dial” the arousal template back to less intense and risky sexual stimuli though it takes a program of recovery referenced as sexual sobriety. This involves a process of ceasing to act out unhealthy sexual behaviours once identified, while working towards recapturing one’s sexual health. Our sexuality, while taking steps to improve the conditions that will imprint our brains with healthy patterns becomes the path to healing, let’s walk that path together.

Mike Quarress CSAT-S